The Meal- A Resource Guide 

Okay, so you’ve got the Meal Framework and the six things to keep in mind. In this guide I’ll flesh them out a bit more and give you some extra ideas!

1) At least one thing on the table each person likes. All this means is that you would not make something, serve something, or have a meal in mind if it doesn’t include a food each person would eat. Now, we know preferences change and sometimes within a day, so take it with a grain of salt. Use this as a general rule.

2) Food remains in serving dishes on the stove, counter, or on the table. Everyone (who is capable) plates their own food unless otherwise necessary or requested. This helps SO much with putting leftovers away, decreases waste, and empowers each person at the table to create that relationship with food and their plates. It also reinforces that it’s not your job to serve others.

3) Include sauces, dips, condiments, spices, and toppings on the table so everyone can customize their meal. Tip: Keep these toppings in their original packaging so it’s easy to put away. We do this for a few reasons.

1. It’s more inviting when we can personalize and customize our food.

2. For kids getting to know their preferences (flavors, textures, spiciness, etc), it’s a great way to experiment.

3. It creates a no-pressure environment to try something new.

4. It gives more versatility in what is being cooked.

Toppings:

• nuts

• seeds

• fresh herbs

• scallions

• seasweed and sesame seed mixes like Gamasio

Condiments/Dips:

• pesto

• guacamole

• salsa

• hummus

• ketchup

• mustard

• mayo

• soy sauce (we love Braggs liquid aminos in the spray bottle!)

• hot sauce

• BBQ sauce

• olive oil

• vinegar

Spices:

• cinnamon

• Everything But the Bagel spice

• garlic powder

• paprika

• zaatar

4) Ritual for transition. It’s essential to have something, even for 10 seconds, that shifts the energy into mealtime.

• Deep breaths

• Prayer/blessing

• Song

• Sharing a gratitude from the day

• Lighting a candle

5) Clear and respectful language around food make a huge difference in creating an inviting environment and lowering stress levels at the table. If you’re checking every box on this list, using respectful language will likely be easier and you’ll feel less attachment to the outcome. A few examples:

• "Oh, you don't prefer that right now" or “No thank you, I don’t prefer that right now” are great phrases for understanding and working with current preferences.

• Language for food waste that resonates with your family. “Please only take a small amount to see how you like it because we don’t save leftovers from individual plates but ____ can have this for lunch tomorrow if we keep it in this bowl.”

• Language for checking in with the body to assess hunger/fullness. This really varies per household and based on knowledge of digestion and baseline discussions around it, but my recommendation is modeling this and speaking out loud about yourself before asking questions of others. “I’m still sitting at the table for a few minutes to give my brain and belly a few minutes to talk before I go for seconds. It takes time to feel how full I am.”

6) Enjoy your meal! Your joy matters immensely here.

• Release attachment to the outcome for others. As shared above, if you’re moving through the steps of the Joyful Family Meal and incorporating this framework, you can rest into releasing attachment to what others eat. Now it’s your time to eat as well so focus on you.

• Model connection and joy with food. Chewing your food, engaging in positive conversation about things other than what everyone is eating, and taking in the meal that you made, someone else made, you ordered in, or took out of box is your role here.

• Get clear on what boundaries feel important to you. What do you need in order to be present with your food? Honor this and ask for it. You’ll likely need to reinforce it, but let your family know how much you matter and your joy with food matters by holding those boundaries.